Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Art Meets Mental Health Issues - A Very Special Treasury

I've just been notified that my photograph 'A Gentle Freak-Out' has been included in the following treasury on Etsy.com:

As you may well know, fine art photography is a huge part of my life and it's also therapy for me so, although it's always nice to have a piece of work selected, the inclusion in this particular treasury is fantastic for me. If you could just simply click on the link above and maybe leave a comment, we might get this issue on the frontpage of Etsy - and I'm all for promoting good mental health and raising awareness of mental health issues.

Thank you!!!
Em ♥

Sunday, 25 October 2009

Night of the Living Dead...and a nice surprise!

The 'living dead' in question being me...

My 'baby' boy (now 3!) had his first sleepover last night...won't know how it went 'til at least 11am. My hubby is away working this weekend but the new meds I'm on render me a complete zombie 'til around lunchtime so for my boy's sake he's stayed with good friends. He was supposed to be with our fabulous babysitter/nanny but she unfortunately had to cancel on Friday due to the 'flu, poor thing! Thank goodness, though, for Andy and Sarah who were able to heed the call at the last minute!

[Aside: I do wonder how many children end up abused and neglected because their otherwise well-meaning parents are drugged up to the eyeballs on prescription medication. I mean, my illness was reclassified as 'post-natal depression', yet there hasn't been a health visitor or psychiatric professional anywhere near our home in 3 years. I know William is ok...but the world outside our home only has our word for that. #Takes a deep breath# Okay, rant over. ]

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Anyway, some good news! I woke up this morning to find I'd been featured in this Etsy treasury: http://www.etsy.com/treasury_list_west.php?room_id=73168 which was a lovely surprise!

Em ♥

Tuesday, 13 October 2009


I've fallen back down the rabbit hole. The consultant offered me the proverbial red pill or blue pill and I chose wrong - now I'm paying for it.

Because my biggest problem seemed to be the 3 years without proper sleep (plus the clinical depression/post- natal depression and anxiety disorder) I switched from trifluoperazine started taking Trazodone to help me sleep. The problem is that the low dose I take, as a sleeping draught, doesn't work as an anti-depressant, but if I take a higher dose I need to sleep longer, which I can't do as I have a 3-year-old son to look after.

This means I can only take my full meds on Sunday and Tuesday evenings, because William is at nursery on mondays and Wednesdays. For the rest of the week I can only take a small dose. I already feel guilty enough about being only half a mum to William. I refuse to put him in danger or neglect him due to medication.

Result: I am now in the middle of a massive depressive crash. I can't describe how awful I feel , about everything. I'm trying sooo hard not to be negative about everything.

I'm seeing my psychiatric consultant tomorrow (yet another new one, but he seems nice from what Healey has told me about their recent phone conversation.) I really hope Healey can get the afternoon off work. I know I'll put my public face on and won't explain fully what's been going on.

Confession: I have been self-harming again. It's not that I've ignored the warning s signs of this crash, it's that I was unable to do anything to avoid it.

What I really need: A medication that makes me sleep right through the night, but not too drowsy throughout the next day. Or someone to take care of William in the mornings so I can get enough sleep. Hah, fat chance!

Sometimes, on the better days, I see my mental illness as a blessing...a gateway to creativity and other things. But at times like this I just wonder; will I ever be free of it?